You know, you give 9 months of your life to them while they are gestating in your body, then you spend hours pushing them from your body in a manner that I still, in spite of having done it twice, have trouble believing can actually happen....you invest untold amounts of money in diapers, then baby proofing equipment, and books, and toys and clothes...and that's before they even go to kindergarten...they grow, they evolve into beings that have their own thoughts and feelings, they begin to move away from you, and once you have invested all that money and time...not to mention your heart and a huge part of your very soul...what do they do?They leave you.
Yep.
Poof.
That's the thanks you get.
In a matter of what seems like minutes, they are grown people going out to lead their own lives. Who the hell decided this was the way to go?
This weekend we drove to Milwaukee...and back...to take the belongings of my Big One and my Bonus One to their new home. Seventeen hundred miles in one weekend...now that's love...and I did very well. Until I hugged him before we left. Then I couldn't help it. Tears. Everywhere. Yep, I couldn't help it, they spilled over in spite of myself. And, when mine started, so did the Little One's.
Now, never mind that the kids were coming back to Lexington, and then to Bowling Green for a bit before they move up there for school...and, never mind that I do want my kids to grow up and be whole people who lead happy and productive lives...and never mind that I really adore my Bonus One...
The child that I carried for nine months inside of me, that I labored through three and a half hours of pain to bring forth into this world...(yeah, yeah, I know, nothing to complain about there), gave up years of my life to be there for him, tried so hard to teach him right from wrong, and watched him grow into this man who is ready to fly out on his own...that child is eight and a half hours away from me.
This is a very strange place to be. I love and adore him, and am so proud of him...I really couldn't wish for a better son had I been given the opportunity to specify all of the characteristics I wanted in one. And I am so glad he has someone who "gets" his quirkiness, and whose own quirkiness compliments his, and who seems as devoted to him as he is to her, to make this journey with. Their life will be full and rich and wonderful, and I could wish for no more for him...and yet, I cannot describe how my heart feels to have him so far away.
This most definitely isn't the worst thing that can happen, it isn't even a bad thing, really it's a wonderful thing...so why is it strangely painful?
This gets better, right?
7 comments:
Yes ! I can say with confidence and experience that it does get better. Never great.....but it will get better. ((big hug)) Thank you for the kind comment on my blog. I typed an update just after you posted your comment. Things are on hold for the moment.
From one mother to another I can tell you that it does get better, but there are moments when you wish you could still cuddle them next to your heart rather than just in your heart.
HugsXX
Barbara
((((((((hugs!))))))))))))))) June, You'll be proud of them for their accomplishments, and then, bam! they'll bring home grandkids and you start all over again. :)
Hi June
I don't know if it gets better or not. Mine never moved out of the area. Due to the economy she is living back in our home and brought a 15 and 13 year old to boot.
I know it would be FAR harder if they lived farther than a few miles away, even though this invasion has plenty advantages AND disadvantages.
Thank God for cell phones.
I see my future through your eyes and I'm not thrilled with the prospect. My oldest is just starting into high school, so I still have some time left, but her determination is strong and she's college-bound, for sure. We live in a very small town, so I know she won't be able to stay here, but maybe in the same state? A mother can only hope :) {hugs}
It's very hard when they first leave the nest, especially if they go a long way away. I don't know how mothers stood it when their young adult children moved out to the frontier and would very likely never see their parents again. We always have something to be grateful for!
Mine is leaving Sunday morning. Even though I'm happy for her, you'll probably find me curled up in a ball for the rest of the day :-(
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