Ok...it's no secret that I am going to be turning 50. Not like I'm hiding it from anyone...not like I could if I wanted to, it is a cold, hard fact...BUT, really..I had no idea how many pieces of junk mail would inundate my mail box in the months prior referring specifically to this momentous event.
It's become a joke around my house...I get at least one piece of mail a week offering me some kind of insurance. Mostly burial insurance, some health. This one offers me cash benefits of up to $20,000 in case I die, and I MAY even qualify if I have a health condition...I don't know if I should take this as an offense, or be so glad that so many companies are concerned about my funeral. But, goodness...do they expect me to die just because I'm turning 50? Heck, I know plenty of 60 year olds out there in the world...Obviously, they are concerned about several thousands of my fellow Kentuckians as well...after all, THOUSANDS of us, age 50 to 85, have been accepted so far. Who knew these companies could be so concerned about us, is that really reassuring or what?
I haven't bothered to return the cards to see if I am qualified...I have plenty of life insurance. What I don't have is insurance that guarantees my wandering mind will find its way home...or one that guarantees my boobs will drop no lower than half way down my stomach...or that my thighs won't turn to cottage cheese...or that my middle won't suddenly be larger around than those boobs that sit half way down it...and we will not even begin to mention the insurance I need for my behind, heaven forbid I find myself with a case of the dreaded butt dimples (I'm sure they are already there, I just choose not to look so I can lie to myself and think that they aren't.)...and, what about insurance that provides me with the filters I need as I grow older that prevent me from saying what I REALLY think...THAT's the kind of insurance I want...why am I not getting flyers offering me that?
I haven't heard from AARP yet...maybe they can offer me something?